: How to Handle it when your Kids are used as Weapons against you in Divorce

:
(446 Words)
One of the most devastating turn of events is when your children are used against you in a divorce. There are different strategies that you may choose in this case, both to lessen the occurrence of such as scenario as well as to help yourself cope with it.
Talk to your lawyer and/or the judge
Depending on the situation, your lawyer or the judge may be able to help you rectify this situation. It depends on what the behavior is. If your ex is openly talking bad about you, for instance, then this is often something that can be brought up. There are many agreements in custody hearings that do not allow the parents to talk negatively about the other in front of the children. Obviously this is unhealthy not only for the other spouse but for the kids as well. If it is blatant then you can request that such an order be put through, and this may help the situation.
Talk to your children
If the children are old enough, you may be able to talk to them. It is important, however, that you do not just talk poorly about the other spouse, even if that is what they are doing to you. It can put your child more in the middle of things than they already are. Instead try to work on your relationship with them. For instance, if the other spouse has somehow convinced them that you do not love them then reassure them of your love. Make sure that they understand how much you care for them and how the divorce does not change that. You can show them your love by supporting them in the things that they do and taking into account their interests and needs.
Take care of yourself
Sometimes there is nothing that can be done against the spouse. What you may need to do is to take care of yourself as best as possible. Do not feel guilty. You may want to buy some self-help books or listen to some tapes on meditation if you think that it could help to calm you while you are going through this. You may want to join a divorce support group where you can talk to others about the situation and receive sympathy. Reach out to your friends, and get extra help if you need it.
The good thing is that you do not have a time limit with your kids. Divorces can seem to take forever but one day it will be over and you will have a lifetime to repair and build a relationship with your kids. Be strong and know that you will make it through.