How to Develop a Relationship with a Grandchild who was given up for Adoption
Developing a relationship with a grandchild that was given up for adoption is a tricky thing. Your grandchild might be very confused and unsure of the type of relationship that they want. Consider the following tips.
Go slowly
It is important not to rush your grandchild into a deep relationship right away. You might be ready to embrace your grandchild as if the adoption had never happened but you have to remember that he or she has another family that they consider their own. There is certainly a great chance that you will be able to develop a relationship, but the child with have a say in its scope and depth. Rushing them might just push them away.
Start with less invasive ways
You might want to start with ways that are less invasive, especially if you think that your grandchild will be a little uncomfortable. For instance, you can write letters to your grandchild. You can send him or her e-mails. You can also try to start talking on the phone. Do not inundate him or her with any of these – they do not need two letters twice a day. Do not keep them on the phone for hours. Try to take your cues from them on when they want to have contact. You can talk about things that are interesting to you or that you know they like. You might want to keep it light.
Get together for special outings
If you are at the point that you can get together, then you want to do things that your grandchild will like or that will support him or her. For instance, they may be happy if you go to their soccer game or dance recital. Be understanding if they do not want you to attend certain events. They might feel torn between you and their other family.
Listen to your grandchild
People want to feel listened to. Let your grandchild talk and listen. Show interest in what is important to him or her. You can even do research into it. For instance, if your grandchild likes hockey, you can try to learn about the teams he or she likes. They might appreciate your effort.
Be honest
You can talk to your grandchild about what you would like but you need to let them know that you will let him or her make the terms. Make sure that they do not feel pressured.
Do something special for your grandchild
You do not want to shower them with gifts so that they feel bribed, but a few well-thought out gifts or tokens might be very special. If he or she loves baseball but never gets to go then splurge on a few great seats. You want your grandchild to know you are making an effort.
Developing a relationship with a grandchild that was given up for adoption can be challenging, but it can be done. Consider the above tips when attempting such a feat.
Updated On: 09/04/2010 Published On: 09/04/2010 Article ViewerClose
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