How to help Adult Children without Enabling them

There is a fine line between helping adult children and enabling them. According to Dr. Phil, you could actually be hurting them if your help causes them to lose independence and self-sufficiency. If your child is sitting at home and not working while expecting you to squander your retirement on their needs, then you are enabling them and allowing them to lead an unproductive lifestyle. It does not mean that you cannot help them in the following ways.
Provide advice
If your children want advice, then give as much as they need. If they have had difficulty with money spending and debt, then offer to help them set up a budget. If they have had trouble losing weight, then offer to make a diet plan or exercise with them. Of course, do not give advice if they do not want it, but make sure they understand that you are there to listen and provide whatever your experience can give.
Help them find work
If your children need work but cannot find it, then you may be able to help with this. If you have some sort of business, then you may choose to give them a job yourself. If you have any connections in their field, then try to use them to help them get a job. If they are truly desperate for money, you can even let them do odd jobs for you such as painting your house. Of course, make sure that they do these jobs well and actually earn the money.
Help with housing
In today’s economy some adult children simply cannot afford to live on their own. As their parent you obviously do not want them on the street. According to 50+Fabulous, over 10% of young adults ages 25-34 are living at home. You can have them live with you without enabling them if you set some ground rules. First, if you need the money or are living in a larger place because of them, you could ask them to chip in. They may pay for the electric bill, for instance. You can also ask that they help with some of the chores of the house. Even if you provide the housing, make sure that they are looking for a job, working or have a reason that they cannot such as if they are disabled. Also, make sure that you are only paying for necessities. If they truly need money for food, then you can help, but do not pay for them to go on expensive dinners out. If you need the money, you can also loan them money instead of outright giving it to them.
You may want to provide your children with the whole world, but it is important for them to learn to be independent. The above tips can give you ideas on how to help without enabling them.